“I’ll just finish this one task, and then I’ll do something fun…”
“I’ll just get this To Do list cleared, and then I’ll put myself first…”
“I’ll just keep pushing down my heart needs while I focus on my head…”
Do you ever struggle with that battle of the things you know you have to do versus the things that would feel good to do? Do you ever feel guilty or lazy for wanting to do something nourishing or relaxing? Something restful or recharging?
I sat at my desk this morning and opened a blank document to write this piece, and, ironically, I was immediately distracted by “just one thing” I needed to do.
Did I really?
Did I have to print those PowerPoint slides for a workshop two days from now?
Did I have to open my credit card bill and start planning repayment schedules?
Did I have to do anything and everything to make me feel “productive” rather than sit and write something that might help me feel alive?
I know that writing soothes me. It settles me. It helps me to be more grounded, less anxious, more focused, less stressed. It brings out the best in me. And yet, I expect it to wait for me. I expect myself to be running on fumes before I’m allowed to recharge. I expect myself to be stressed before I can be soothed.
I’m trying to do things differently. I’m trying to find and create balance before I’ve lost it.
I’ve decided to take the afternoon off and go spend time with my friend and her lovely little ones. I’ve made time for play. I’ve carved out time for me, and what my soul needs.
But, almost immediately, I feel the pang of guilt – how dare I do this? How dare I decide it’s ok to be less productive and more positive?
It’s a constant battle – head versus heart – but both are important. Both are needed. Both have a say. BOTH. Not entirely one or the other. It doesn’t need to be a battle. It needs to be a balanced conversation. Taking turns. Reassuring each other: “It’s ok, I’ve got this.”
We don’t need to have it all figured out. Just as we don’t need to get everything done. But we do need to listen.
To ourselves. To our souls. To our sense of selves.
Who are we? What do we need? What nourishes us? What feeds us? What helps us to thrive?
Not when we are completely burnt out. Not when we are gasping for air. Not when we are paralysed by fear or anxiety or stress or whatever.
What do we need today? And how can we make it happen?
Head. And Heart. Together.