What do you do when you finally step out of the darkness of self-loathing and depression, and the light of love of admiration is too bright? How do you look directly at the beauty of people’s words and gestures when you’ve spent years conditioning yourself to try to fix your broken self? How do you graciously accept a compliment when you are still coming to terms with the fact that you are capable of bringing joy?
I love running ToGetHer Further. It is my baby. It has already become everything more than I had hoped it would be, and given me so much. With every new member adding herself to the Facebook group, or a reply to a post I’ve shared, or a kind comment on an article, my first reaction is to turn my face away. I literally cannot look directly at the words at first. The light is too bright. It’s too real, it’s too beautiful. I made this; they respond. How can this be?
And now here, creating my very own personal space to be free to write whatever I want, and getting positive encouragement from friends on Facebook and in person! It’s amazing! But so raw! I love it but it terrifies me too. I’ve never been so open with people before – I’ve never truly put myself out there in this way. To receive praise or acknowledgement feels overwhelming!
That said, after a few seconds, just like stepping out of a darkened room on a summer’s day, my eyes adjust, I can look at the screen again, and smile as I read the kind words shared. Your responses mean so much to me – your words help give me confidence to heal parts of me that I thought were permanently broken. Seeing my honesty having an impact on other people inspires me to be more honest, for myself and for anyone else around me.
So thank you for your kind feedback – it means more than I will ever be able to let you know. And I’m sorry if it takes me a while to respond sometimes – just know my eyes are still adjusting to the light.