What If What You Want Is Not What You Need?

What if what thought you wanted was not actually what you needed?

I thought I wanted six new coaching clients to start with me at once.

I thought I wanted all my coaching clients to start at the same time, from now on.

I thought I wanted more structure, more framing, in order to give us all more clarity.

I thought this would make things easier for me, as well as for my clients.

And yet, on every call with clients who were ready to work with me, I would trust my intuition and hear what they needed, and would offer them that – even if it wasn’t something listed on my website. Even if it meant my new plan would “fail”.

If I had gotten what I thought I wanted, and my plan had succeeded, I would have just begun a hectic, frantic, stressful 3 month journey with 6 women, where I would be trying to provide them with personalised, one to one coaching, but with the pressure of not having flexibility in the timing of our sessions, or the sequence of the exercises we would work on together.

I was disappointed when I didn’t get it. I was disappointed when women were contacting me for coaching but weren’t interested in this more intense, less flexible approach. And yet every time I created something new for them, in a way that worked for them, I felt certain that we were doing the right thing.

So, I didn’t get what I wanted, but now I am so glad, because I see that not only was it not right for my clients, but it wasn’t right for me either. It wasn’t what we needed.

Looking back now, I see that I wanted certainty and structure in my business, which sounds reasonable and makes logical sense, but that doesn’t mean it applies directly to how I work with my coaching clients.

Having too much rigidity and structure on my coaching would not only be counter-effective but counter-intuitive. Literally.

The work I do with women is helping them to connect to their intuition. Helping them to take steps to trust themselves and their gifts. Helping them to connect with their needs and find or create ways to meet them for themselves. I create the space and the opportunity, but they lead the way. I simply walk beside them, highlighting their blind spots, showing them new perspectives, and encouraging them to keep going.

I’m now stepping back to create the space I need, so I can provide the opportunities that will truly help the women who are ready to work with me. In a way that works for them.

I’m trusting myself to take the steps I need to create certainty and structure in my life, without putting pressure on my coaching relationships in order to achieve this.

And I’m modelling the journey of learning from our mistakes, of being brave enough to try something new, and vulnerable enough to share it, so others can learn from it too.

I’m gratefully receiving the learning I needed, so I can help other women who are struggling in the same way.

I didn’t get what I wanted, but I got what I needed, and I am so grateful for that.

What if what thought you wanted was not actually what you needed?

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
– Steve Jobs

What disappointment could you let go of, in order to make space to learn and be grateful for the path your life has taken?

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