Life Experience

I’m Figuring It All Out As I Go Along

Confession time.

In case it wasn’t already painfully obvious:

I don’t have all the answers.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

I’m figuring it all out as I go along.

This is why you see me tweak things.

This is why I’m always testing things.

This is why you see me change directions.

I wish I had it all figured out. I wish I had this polished finished product to give you. I look at my friend Krisztina and what she has created with The Merit Club and I am in awe. She did things the complete opposite way from me – she came up with a beautiful idea and then honed it and crafted it and developed it as something fully functioning and wonderful for us to use.

Whereas I started with a desire to work for myself, someday.

Then realised how desperately unhappy I was at work, and saw how unfair that was, and vowed that the business I was thinking of building would somehow help women to be happier at work.

Then I saw and felt how beautiful and powerful it was when women helped each other at work, and this rush of beautiful energy flowed through my body as ToGetHer Further bubbled out of me. I didn’t feel like I could have contained it even if it had occurred to me to try to!

So even though I wanted to create something separate from myself – an online business that would help women to be happier at work, ToGetHer Further came directly from me. It began as a blog, and then a free community, where I shared my experiences and my journey out of the corporate world.

Still, I was searching for solutions that involved other people providing them, but my business coach invited me to write my book, to share my story, as that would help women who were struggling alone. And then, in the most daunting challenge of all, she pointed out that the women I wanted and needed to help would not find their solution online in some platform I created – they would find it in me, in person, face to face, one to one.  She invited me to coach.

This was not part of the plan. I was terrified. I wanted to own a business and provide a solution. Not BE the solution.

But I trusted my coach, so I tested it out. I worked with some practice clients. And…

I loved it.

I love it.

It’s something I can’t describe. It’s this powerful feeling of doing something meaningful for someone else. It’s this sense of being part of something bigger than myself. It’s honouring where they are and what they need and constantly being invited to listen, to get curious, to challenge, to provoke, to support, to simply be there for them.

It was something I had resisted for so long, but once I started doing it I realised it was something I was meant to do. This is it how it feels to live your purpose. This is how it feels to bring your best self. This is how it feels to truly serve and help others.

And they feel it too.

They know something powerful has happened.

They feel the release. They feel the space we create. They feel the change within themselves.

But.

Because I am learning. Always learning.

Tweaking. Adjusting. Improving. Controlling.

I don’t just Let. It. Be.

I don’t trust myself.

I don’t value myself.

Not enough.

So, I look for other people to show me the way. I try to figure out how I should be doing things. And it all becomes so noisy and confusing and I lose sight of what it is I already know I do so well. I know because I feel it. I know because my clients feel it too, and they tell me so. I know I am not imagining my gifts or how I’m helping women.

I just don’t trust it to simply be. I keep trying to put it in boxes and give it fancy titles and make it clearer and make it more structured and make it more routine. All the while this feels completely unnatural to the Sacred Rebel inside me. The one who broke free from all the corporate constraint. The one who trusts her intuition and acts on it wholeheartedly. The one who shows up in the world as authentically as possible every day, and tries to share her whole self through her work. This does not fit in a box. This does not belong in a box. It simply does not work this way. Not for me.

So, I do not have it all figured out. And some days I really wish I did, because it would be so much easier if I could give you a final, polished solution.

But that is not me. That is not my path.

This is my journey. Thank you for sharing it with me.

I hope we figure it all out together.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s